avril

I'm tuggin' at my hair
I'm pullin' at my clothes
I'm tryin' to keep my cool
I know it shows

I'm staring at my feet
My cheeks are turning red
I'm searching for the words inside my head

I'm feeling nervous
Tryin' to be so perfect
'Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth it
Yeah...

If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I want to blow you--away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight?
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down--on one knee
Marry me today
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say

It don't do me any good it's just a waste of time
What use is it to you what's on my mind?
If it ain't comin' out, we're not going anywhere
So why can't I just tell you that I care?

'Cause I'm feeling nervous
Tryin' to be so perfect
'Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth it
Yeah...

If I could say what I wanna say
I'd say I want to blow you--away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight?
If I could say what I wanna see
I want to see you go down--on one knee
Marry me today
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say

(What is)What's wrong with my tongue?
These words keep slipping away
I stutter I stumble like I've got nothing to say

'Cause I'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
'Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth it
Yeah...

[Verbal Acoustics]

I guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say

If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I want to blow you--away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight?
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down--on one knee
Marry me today
Guess I'm wishing my life away......

These things I'll never say

No, this does not relate to James

I thought you'd be out of my mind
And I'd finally found a way to
Learn to live without you
I thought it was just a matter of time
Til I had a hundred reasons
Not to think about you

But it's just not so
And after all this time
I still can't let go

I've still got your face
Painted on my heart
Scrawled upon my soul
Etched upon my memory baby
I've got your kiss
Still burning on my lips
The touch of my fingertips
Is love so deep inside of me

I was trying everything that I can
To get my heart to forget you
But it just can't seem to
I guess it's just no use
In every part of me
Is still a part of you

I've still got your face
Painted on my heart
Scrawled upon my soul
Etched upon my memory baby
I've got your kiss
Still burning on my lips
The touch of my fingertips
Is love so deep inside of me

Something in your eyes keeps haunting me
I'm trying to escape you
And I knwo there ain't no way to
To chase you from my mind


"Painted on my heart" by The Cult

Death

For a class, I had to write my own obituary. That was difficult for a couple of reasons.
1) I don' t like to think about dying. There are too many amazing things in my life to give it all up for death. There are too many amazing people I'd leave behind that I would miss greatly. I wouldn't get to see my son grow up, and I would miss out on a lot of thing with him.
2)It made me re-think everything I'm doing. Like, is it worth it to do musicals when I could be helping someone out? What kind of mark am I going to leave for the world when I'm gone.

Two dear friends gave me great quotes. I almost have to put them here just to remind myself that I really have made a difference in the 21 years on this earth. Personanlly, I believe I do everything I can to make a difference and enjoy my life. But then I step back and ask "is that enough?"

Tiny said "She has brought laughter, been there through the tears, and always made me glad to be who I am. She made me realize that we each have something unique to offer the world.”

Sarah said "Sometimes, when someone passes away, all that seems to be said about them are the age old clichés. But I want to catch the joy, liveliness, and love Tabitha brought to all the people around her in her life.”

Do any of you in blogger land feel the same way? Please tell me who you are if its anonymous.

Love,
Tabitha

Another Day ...

Lately I've been obsessed with the soundtrack from Rent. I'm not quite sure why ... the music is really good, but there is nothing that strikes close to my life.

Don't get me wrong - I would love to play Mimi someday ... partly because her personality is so opposite mine. Well maybe not the personality, but how she chooses to show it and the life that she chooses to live.

Anyway, the past few months have been really hairy with school. It's been hard keeping everything organized - but I'm doing it! And that is an amazing attribution to the skills I learned in high school, and never thought I'd use. I never took a class to learn them ... they were just learned by all the stuff I had going on in school.

Now I'm juggling a full load of classes, musical rehearsals, the baby and his schedule, and housework. Not that I have a lot of housework to do, but it's hard to live in an area where things are just scattered around as though they'll fall at anytime you touch them. Oh well ... that's not a huge problem ... my room is slightly organized.

And now, because it is late, I need to go and finish the homework and get into bed so I can get up for classes tomorrow.

Night all!