been awhile

So it's been awhile since I've written one of these and I just decided I should take a few minutes and write. Hmm ... so lets see ... I just watched Mrs. Doubtfire, probably one of the best movies of all times.

Now I'm watching "Dirty Jobs", and I just learned that the owl pellets we disected in high school were NOT owl poo - the pellets were owl vomit. Oh doesn't that make your stomach rumble with hunger ... yuk! Haha - and he was just attacked by an owl!!!!!

I've put in a lot of rough nights ... I've been dreaming some strange things and it's hard to sleep because of it. I don't remember any of them but I do know they are strange. Hmm ... maybe its something I've been eating???

I'm sure this isn't interesting to many people, but to those of you who have read this, kudos to you. I'm just sorry it can't be more interesting.

in response

There was an anonymous comment left on another entry and I think I know who wrote it. I'm not naming names because my objective is not to hurt anyone or blame ... I just wanted to respond.

No matter what you see ... there is someone out there for me. I'm sorry but you don't know the things we went through ... the battles we fought and the things we went through on a daily basis. I don't expect a pity party from anyone ... thats not the way I work. Yeah, things are rough and I have a part in that ... but its not all me. There are a lot of things that went on that I'm sure none of you - you, kim, and denise - know about. And even if you did things would be blamed on me when they aren't all my fault. I feel bad for hurting him - but I know that he will get over it and find someone. And I will find someone who loves me as much as he does or more than he did - it's only a matter of time.

happy ending ....

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be but we lost it
All of the memories so close to me just fade away
All this time you were pretending so much for my happy ending

As the lyrics in the song say, I was jilted out of a happy ending. But as I look back I realize it was all for the better. After reanalyzing my relationship I have realized that things would have ended - whether it was then or after a few years of marriage in divorce. And in a way I'm glad it happened now instead of later. There is just so much I would have missed out on if I would have moved to another state like I had planned. I wouldn't have been able to see my brother graduate and I would have missed that big time.

And while I still feel bad that things ended the way that they did, it's time for me to stop beating myself up about it all and try to move on. And I think thats what I'm going to do.

I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
And cannonball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you, I will ....