Because I knew you

I've  heard it said
That people come into our lives
for a reason
bringing something we must learn
and we are led
to those who help us most to grow
if we let them
and we help them in return
well I dont know if I believe thats true
but I know I'm who I am today
because I knew you .....

I am only 22 and yet I feel like my life has already been lived.  I feel like I'm never going to get out of the rut that I'm in.  I want to find someone to love, someone ot be with.  I want to know that someday I'm going to wake up and see the love of my life beside me, smiling back at me, or holding me close.

Okay, so I started this post yesterday when I was in a really dark place.  Today I feel better.  I feel as though I am punishing myself for something that I can't go back and change.  I've taken responsibility for my actions and I have repented from them and faced the consequences.  Now why can't I forgive myself?  And the other thing that bothers me - why can't I totally forgive the other party?

Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting, because in forgetting you are giving the other party the opportunity to hurt you again.  But forgiving is so much healthier.  Forgiving means that you have totally taken the right of the other person to make you feel bad and crushed it against a stone or something.  Forgiveness means that the person who hurt you no longer has control over your emotions because you don't let them.  

I have a long way to go to make myself a new whole woman again, but I think this is the start of an interesting journey.  Hopefully I will come out in the end as a stronger, more caring woman.  I hope these changes will help me to grow in ways I've only dreamed of growing.